How To: How I Made Cat Poop Coffee (Kopi Luwak)—The Best Cup of Crap Ever

How I Made Cat Poop Coffee (Kopi Luwak)—The Best Cup of Crap Ever

I am a man who enjoys a good cup of crap. Not just any crap, but the kind that makes the Seattle coffee-snob inside of me feel all warm and happy as if the sun were out (which of course it isn't.) It's the kind of crap that has traveled through the intestinal tracts of a nocturnal marsupial, cutely called a Civet. It's the kind of fermented brew that everyone should lay their lips on at least once.

Step 1: Delve into Jungle

Find the nearest Indonesian jungle and plunge into the heart of darkness. Be sure to bring a very crappy motorcycle to carry.

Step 2: Find Coffee Farmers

Locate some friendly coffee farmers deep in the mountains and ask them if you can stay and help in their gardens.

Step 3: Search for Poop

Eagerly scour beneath the coffee trees to find the lovey spots where the civets left their midnight masterpieces.

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Hint: treat it like an Easter egg hunt.

Step 4: Search for More Poop

Fill your basket full with the delectable defecation.

Step 5: Wash Poop

Break apart the chunks with your hands and sift the crap away from the coffee beans.

Step 6: Dry

Lay the beans out in the sun atop concrete or rocks to dry. Diligently guard against afternoon rains.

Step 7: Husk

Break the coffee beans out from their shells by repeatedly pummeling them with bamboo.

Step 8: Chaff

Blow the chaff to the wind without letting a precious coffee seed fall.

Step 9: Fly It Home

Load pounds and pounds of green beans into your suitcases, declare as "gifts," and fly home to Seattle.

Step 10: Roast!

Medium roast and off-gas the beans just like any other type of coffee.

Step 11: Brew

Grind that s@!t up and toss it into a French press.

Step 12: Enjoy

Finally, pour it out slowly, remember the long journey it has taken, and enjoy an incredibly smooth and consistent taste that boasts of so many unique features, none of which even come close to crappiness.

14 Comments

Brilliant! I've seen this stuff sell for something like $200/lb here in the states. What did it cost you locally?

I prefer the non-crappy varieties of coffee. as a kid I was taught not to put cat poop in my mouth.
Though i have always found this bean variety intriguing.

This is awesome, I remember reading about it a few months ago but had forgotten about it. I would definitely try it but I don't know if I could handle making it...

digestive acids in a civet get rid of bitterness

I'm sure it tastes delicious, but I'll be having a plain cup of cappuccino, thank you very much. :)

It must have tasted so much better knowing you did all the work of gathering and making it!

I always thought they looked more catlike.

They look like hyena-lemur-cat. Not to be confused with man-bear-pig.

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here in hong kong, depending on how you want to have it really.. could get quite costly

The palm civet isn't a cat. Regardless, drinking coffee made from beans that have passed through the alimentary canal of any critter is beyond the limits of good taste. I'd really like to know who was the first person who looked down at a pile of scat and said, "Man, I'll bet those beans make good coffee!" Crazy, crazy stuff. SMH

Props to those making money from this quirky coffee trend/tradition. I hope they make their money.

As for me, those bean could never be clean enough for me to use them.

I do this same thing! Except... I swallow the coffee beans whole and then fish them out of my own poop. Depending on what else you ate during the process, gives your finished coffee product wonderful aftertastes :D

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