Seriously, what's with all of the candy corn hate? I don't care what anyone says, candy corn is and always has been the perfect Halloween snack for me.
Only recently did I realize that not everyone gets as hype as I do about small, sugary vegetables.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
(Shakespeare was definitely talking about candy corn, FYI.)
I'll start by saying that I'm a huge fan of anything that can be consumed by the handful. Cheetos, M&Ms, airplane peanuts—you name it. There's nothing more rewarding than dipping your bear paw into a bag of candy corn and coming up with a fistful of pure sugar. Nothing, I tell you!
Okay, next: Did you know that, when assembled correctly, individual candy corn kernels make a CANDY COB?! I was already a major fan of this controversial confection, but my brain exploded with joy when I figured that out.
In my opinion, there is only one true maker of candy corn: Brach's. Brach's candy corn are velvety smooth with the perfect honey sweetness—I could easily devour a whole bag in one sitting, though my Halloween costume might be less accepting of that choice.
I'm not alone in my candy corn love: this sweet treat has been a family favorite since the 1880's, when it was called 'Chicken Feed.' (It's probably for the best that they ditched that name.) And not only is candy corn an old school hit, it's actually one of the better-for-you Halloween candy offerings, coming in at about 140 calories per handful (which could be more if you have large hands or are ambitious).
Another bonus: You don't even have to wait until the witching hour to enjoy these saccharine-laden sweets. Candy corn is offered year-round in its original form as well as on most major Hallmark holidays; it's rebranded as Indian Corn for Thanksgiving, Reindeer Corn for Christmas, Cupid Corn for Valentine's Day, and Bunny Corn for Easter.
It's amazing that a tiny candy spurs so much discussion and vitriol. Comedian Lewis Black mentioned candy corn in a 2002 Comedy Central special, "The End of the Universe" saying:
The worst thing about Halloween, is of course, candy corn. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that has never been advertised.
One of the main reasons why a lot of people misunderstand candy corn is because, first and foremost, it's a seasonal treat offered year-round. According to their more vocal opponents, there's no need for them after October ends. You wouldn't want to be subjected to "I'll Be Home For Christmas" in April, right? So, why should candy corn get a pass?
(And the answer is: Because it's amazing. Not biased or anything, of course.)
Now, normally I'd support Brach's unconditionally, but in a recent collaboration with Target, they released a product that made even me facepalm and wonder how anyone could have given this the green light.
Oh, hell no.
Brunch candy corn?! Shame on you. How dare you turn my two favorite things against me like that! Target, you're flawless—never change—but how did this abomination slip through the cracks? "Brunch Favorites" might be the single grossest candy I've ever eaten, and that's saying a lot. All of the flavors I crave with the OG Brach's get decimated by fake maple and some other odd taste I can't quite place. 0/10 would not recommend.
Okay, so it's pretty clear that I adore candy corn and others decidedly do not—a true love it or hate it struggle. Apparently, candy corn is the 2016 presidential election of Halloween candies.
Now it's time to let us know—how do you feel?
With Halloween just around the corner, are you psyched to nab bags of the good stuff from the children in your life? Or, would you prefer to see them burn in a flaming, waxy pile? Either way, let us know in the comments! Feel free to share this article using the links below with someone you know who is invested in this ongoing discourse. Happy Halloween snacking!
Want to master Microsoft Excel and take your work-from-home job prospects to the next level? Jump-start your career with our Premium A-to-Z Microsoft Excel Training Bundle from the new Gadget Hacks Shop and get lifetime access to more than 40 hours of Basic to Advanced instruction on functions, formula, tools, and more.