Why, for the love of God, do people keep inventing ridiculous devices that make the simplest things more complicated in the name of convenience? This may be a rhetorical question that will forever go unanswered—because these crazy gadgets just keep rolling out, one after the other.
This list of "convenient" egg gadgets will have you rolling your eyes—or morbidly curious about purchasing some of them for yourself. (Don't worry, we won't judge.)
Meet Henrietta: she's an egg steamer that can boil or poach up to 7 eggs to order, and functions with a built-in self-timer that audibly "chirps" to let you know when your eggs are done. I can see this being handy for people who are nervous about... boiling water. But it just sounds like a (cute) waste of counter space.
If you disagree, you can always buy your very own Henrietta egg steamer on Amazon.
If you're tired of oval eggs (somehow), you may be on board for cubed eggs. These uniquely-shaped eggs are created by placing still-hot hard-boiled eggs into a cube-shaped egg mold, and are an easy (and completely useless) way of changing up your hard-boiled egg game.
Poor Mr. Sniffles can't shake his cold, but he sure makes an excellently gross novelty egg separator. Just crack an egg into his head, tilt him forward, and let the snot—I mean egg white—ooze from his nose.
Help this runny-nosed fellow find a home by purchasing him on Amazon.
The next gadget is perfect for the crazy cat lady in your life.
Place this kitty egg mold on your frying pan and crack two eggs into the rings, then watch as your eggs transform into a wide-eyed cat—that may or may not be begging you to not eat him, depending on your point of view.
Wow. The Rollie Eggmaster claims to make your life somehow "easier" by cooking an egg tube-on-a-stick in 6-8 minutes. If that weren't laughable enough, the way in which this crazy contraption provides the finished product... well, it has to be seen to be believed. (I think Stephen Colbert says it best: "Finally, an answer to the question: 'How can I make my breakfast fit more snugly into my colon?'")
Thanks to the Egg Scrambler, you don't have to be a storybook character in order to enjoy a "golden" egg. Instead, you can make and enjoy them at home... just like Mother Goose always intended.
This crazy contraption uses centrifugal force to scramble an egg in its own shell, as shown in the video below. If I were you, though, I'd give our DIY version of this golden egg gadget a try first and save some money.
If your Hulk-like hands have difficulty with cracking eggs, then this gentle EZ Egg Cracker may be an excellent solution. Otherwise, the idea of having a device crack my eggs for me borders on amusing at best and unbelievably lazy at worst.
If you want an instant soft- or hard-boiled egg and don't have much time to do it the right way, you may want to invest in Boily the Egg Boiler, who guarantees a soft- to hard-boiled egg in 3-5 minutes. Boily looks a little sad and confused—but you'd be sad, too, if you were getting zapped by a microwave all the time (and producing rubbery eggs).
If you're the type that can't pass up a groan-inducing pun, this cute little gadget will help you "fish" your egg yolks away from your egg whites... and bring you years of punny pleasure when cooking in the kitchen. (I'll stick to using a water bottle instead of throwing away my money, thanks).
The Eggstractor is an accordion-looking gadget that claims to perfectly peel a hard-boiled egg... but many reviewers on Amazon can't even figure out how this doohickey even works in the first place.
So for the ultimate in 'why does this even exist' charm, I recommend that you snatch up one of these babies post-haste. As for me, I'm going to stick to the most classic of all egg-peeling tools: my hands.
This is just a small sampling of the many pointless egg gadgets that exist—so if we've left any of your "favorites" off of our list, just let us know in the comments below. (Inventions with hilarious informercials preferred.)